and there was kerry

had the pregnancy scare a few months back with AM and it was as natural as skin, i had the baby aborted. just like that. that means i'm excommunicated from the catholic church, so i know the gravity of what i've done.

when the life of little nadia was pulled from me, i think bits and pieces of my heart were sucked out, too. if life could exist apart from the soul, and was an organ sitting alongside the spleen and liver, then i am now lifeless.

i've been stuck in this rut of angst for some while now and have tried to avoid writing until i had something happy to write about. maybe that won't happen for a long time yet. so i'll have to bear with my sigh-y writing for moments longer.

had kerry won, pro-choice people would be strutting down cnn's primetime slots with smug looks on their faces. but until you've gone through the experience yourself, you can never really argue about this from a theoretical standpoint. when my friend from years back told me she had aborted her and her boyfriend's child, i felt morally superior and inwardly and totally horrified. but i hugged her while she wept uncontrollably on my shoulder. when my turn came up, i was terrified. terrified of having the baby and losing AM, terrified of killing the one thing that reminded me of what AM and i could have that would outlive us both.

but that's water under the bridge. ack, bad image there. my only beef with the stern-faced and babalino kerry was that he would have stood by the people who crow that women should have a choice with their bodies. i totally agree with this, but not to the extent of killing the body of someone else. well-meaning friends have told me laughingly not to be too upset over the death of some foetus, and i hear myself reacting by saying that this isn't just a foetus, it's a life. sadly, not all people think that way. these same well-meaning friends even tell me tthat i'm a rare one to be liking "sods" (their term for bratty kids) who run all over the place and make life unbearably hard.

it's nice to know that here in the philippines, we still enjoy the sight of countless pregnant women and sods running around, kahit walang mga brip at panty. oh, life!