bouquet toss

i wonder how it's like to get married. when AM's in a peaceful mood, i ask him how it's like to be married.

it's funny looking back. all these, the condo, the credit card, the nice clothes, the perks of walking into a parlor and getting VIP service, or elsewhere, for that matter, i never really thought about much. i mean, AM always had something new for me each time. maybe to keep me from fretting and wondering, he gilded my cage, as it were. and i just never had the time, or the temerity, to question all these.

i tell myself that time moves in an elliptical way; i take each day as it comes and wonder if this will the day that will change my fortunes forever. little points in time that are the little events of my life, propelling me into new orbits each time. AM came into my life in precisely the same way. it's as if his trapezoidal life touched my jagged mirror life and it happened to be that point that had velcro. we clung to each other and now we're together in this new plane of existence.

well, nanggaling ako sa tagaytay this weekend, kasama ko si K at ang mommy ko. syempre, these are always bittersweet moments for me. while AM does home duty, i remember the home i left behind to be with him. take K. kahit overcompensator ako sa kanya, hindi naman siya namimihasa. don pumapasok nanay ko. kahit ano pa mang kapalpakan nagawa niya sa akin nung bata pa ako, she's still the best mother for the kind of girl i am. kahapon, nung naglalakad kami sa people's park, she was telling me about the time she met daddy, and how they got married kahit na tutol ang buong mundo sa kanila. napaka in love talaga ni mommy noon. hindi daw niya ma imagine ang magpakasal na hindi niya mahal si daddy.

it sometimes makes me wonder. ano bang kulang sa akin na men will not go to the ends of the earth in showing their endless love for me? don't get me wrong. i didn't use to think this way. tulad ng sabi ko earlier, with all the material bonuses of being AM's girl, i have had no time to really think this through. siguro you can call me the girl with the devil-may-care attitude. i mean, i see my present circumstances as things that happened to come my way and i simply put them on like clothes given to me for christmas.

but there are times when i wonder if a strange package will come in the mail that will contain an orchid bouquet and blue garter.