I was a guest at a big wedding tonight. The speeches from the father of the bride and the sister of the groom left me in tears.

I told the sister of the groom after the reception that if my sister could say the same thing at my wedding, then any stranger would think highly of me. Of course I will never have that privilege because my sister is a royal bitch and even if she was the matron of honour at my wedding, she could never bring herself to have any kind words about me at my wedding except, “My family would want you all to know that we are so relieved that she is finally getting married.”

Move on, move on.

I tried to play along with the game of the bride and groom… where the answers would reveal their special and unique love story. It actually came across as corny and a bit formulaic if you ask me, but then I’m a jaded, world-weary bitch myself so maybe, just maybe, I’m just jealous because these two people seem happily on the way to their own happy ending.

Then I thought of you. And how, maybe, years from now, at your reception, people will find out that you and your bride first met when you were in 4^th grade and she was in 2^nd grade. And how you pretended to have a cold when you saw her at Starbucks in Katipunan because she was waiting for some of her fellow Music majors from UP before doing an evening show.

And I wondered, can we ever have those sorts of memories? Will your sister ever tell a congregation, “On behalf of my family, we would like to welcome you to our family and tell you how blessed we are to have you”? can we ever have a public celebration of our love?

Or am I forever your secret hidden love, like that lavender water lily that will forever languish in the shade and never proudly stand in the sun as officially, legally yours?

Who am I fooling? Nadia, wake up.